Intimacy & Sex Counseling
OK, let's talk about sex... I offer a place where you are accepted, understood and safe to explore whatever you may want to work on.
People can have a wide variety of issues regarding sexuality:
They can have physical issues (sex is painful, they can't orgasm, they orgasm too fast, their body is menopausal)
They can have emotional issues (my partner cheated on me, I was raped in the past, I have a history of childhood sexual abuse, my partner is emotionally abusive)
They can have spiritual issues (my religion frowns on this or that behavior)
Consider that sometimes we need good sound education (what is normal for couples? Do other people have trouble with oral sex? How do I become a better lover? What about porn?).
Rest assured that whether you are:
Lesbian
Gay
Bisexual
Asexual
Kinky
and everything in between...
I offer a place where you are accepted, understood and safe to explore whatever you may want to work on.
I believe you can be a good person without necessarily being a good girl.
- Liz Gilbert
I have a wealth of training and experience working with the transgender community. In particular, working with those who are seeking HRT or surgery and those transitioning. This can be an especially stressful time and you deserve to work with someone who is knowledgeable, experienced, comfortable and willing to go on this very personal journey alongside you. You don't have to do this work alone.
Together we'll do a good sexual history. You'll be surprised how much you can learn about yourself when you look at the big picture of how you've become who you are sexually. What experiences have impacted you sexually, molded your behavior or thoughts around sex? Together we’ll figure out what you still want to embrace and what you'd like to shed in order to grow. I'll give you homework, both intellectual and experiential. Most of it pretty darn fun! Be prepared....we will laugh, cry and cringe together!
Sex is all about vulnerability and trust, it is raw and honest and in your face. So is therapy for sexual issues. Together we will explore all of it.... and don't you worry: You can trust that I have done my homework and know what I'm talking about. I'll offer you feedback, information and constructive homework to address all that you bring into the session. You can trust that I am not easily intimidated, shaken, or shocked. I've heard it all... and I can hold it all.
““Christin has a way of making you feel like you’re talking with a favorite Aunt. She is so easy to talk to. No pretense…she curses just like I do…she sits cross legged and barefoot in her chair and stays engaged with you. She doesn’t take notes while your talking, she participates with you. And she definitely will call you out on your stuff…but she is also very genuine. You know that you are truly cared about when you are doing the hard work of therapy and that helps so much! you like it is, and you never have to wonder what she is thinking. She pushes gently when you need it…like a great coach helping you become your best self. With her help I got my life where I wanted it to be and I continue to go back for “tune-ups” when I need them.””
Book Review: She Comes First, He Comes Second, by Ian Kerner
Books on sex & intimacy can offer us a lot. Particularly in areas of new research and physiology and anatomy that even I, at 40 years old did not know! And I thought I knew (almost) everything! Unfortunately, we don’t learn much from parents or school, friends are only going to reveal what they are ok with revealing, and many are left with the internet and porn to “educate” us. But what we see in movies is not even close to a real experience at all. So, we all navigate through our intimate lives stumbling or missing out. Books offer us an anonymous way to get information and provide us with information to derive questions for and begin conversations with, our partners and our therapists. They can’t replace the interpretative and knowledge expertise of someone who has worked with hundreds of couples, but they let us augment the work of couples counseling at home on our own. However, not all books and advice are created equal…which is why recommendations for where to start are so important.
Another benefit of a recommended book about intimacy is that there is so much misinformation on the subject on the internet. A book has to pass many thresholds before it comes your way, including editorial review, and your own judgment of the hundreds of reviews you can read on Amazon or Goodreads.
Lastly, the author is lending their own experience - they will bring in humor, storytelling, and creativity to help you dive deeper into the topic. And in all honesty…lots of folks who write about sex can tend to come across a bit cocky…. but hey, it’s hard to write about a topic like sex if you’re not overly confident. So, try to overlook that and get what you can from them. To that end, I present to you, a pair of books by Ian Kerner: She Comes First, and He Comes Second.
I don't want to give too many spoilers away - but I would say the following:
If you have never read a book like this, or maybe you already have, there is much to learn here for the expert and beginner alike.
The tone is light, and there are no burdensome introductions or unwieldy science lessons
His sense of humor may or may not be your cup of tea, but you can tell he is definitely trying to make this a pleasant experience for you. Sex should be fun, and learning about how to do it better should be no different.
Ian Kerner's books have been translated into many languages, and his book is #2 on Amazon's general intimacy rankings.
Before you go and read the book, let me say a final word about how therapy can fit into all of this. When it comes to sex therapy, there is independent work that you can do, and there is work that a well-trained therapist can help you untangle. I see that as a symbiotic partnership. You could certainly have your therapist tell you everything, and do no reading, but then you may not be using your therapist to your full advantage. I encourage many of my clients to read a particular book that is relevant to their situation. But I won’t ask you to read something I haven’t read myself or if I don’t believe there is a lot of value in it. There are often particular issues that are beyond the scope of a popular book - and that is where a trained therapist is most helpful. I can help you use the information in ways that will maximize the benefit of investing your time reading.
Whether you want to read more about how you can improve your intimacy, or you don't want to purchase a book, you can always pick up the phone and make an appointment with me. I will help guide you along the path.